When the music fades, All is stripped away
And I simply come, longing just to bring
Something that's of worth, That will bless your heart
I'll bring You more than a song, For a song in itself
Is not what You have required .You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear, You're looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship And it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus.I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it.
When it's all about You. It's all about You, Jesus
King of endless worth, No one could express
How much you deserve. Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is yours, Every single breath.
I'll bring you more than a song. I'll bring you more than a song
More than a song. I'll bring you more than a song
I'll bring you more than a song. You're looking into my heart
Looking into my heart. You're looking into my heart. Into my heart
I'll bring you more than a song.
I'm on the worship team at church. We sang this on Sunday, and I knew there would come another day I would sing this song for my Lord. I'm hoping to show a little bit of my heart in this post, though I will never be able to express my thoughts exactly. It will be a tough one for me, I think. This song brings back many memories, not all of them good, but memories none the less. When I first started going to church several years back I wanted to be on the worship team more than anything. It is my passion, and I hope one of my spiritual gifts. There is nothing in the world like worshipping my King. The worship team at this particular church had a name, they were called "More Than A Song."
I put in my application. I had to be approved. I had to audition, no big deal. I made the team. There were several parts to the application process I was soon to find out. Being able to hit a note was not the only requirement. I had to make it to the practices, learn some harmony, etc... I had to attend so many church services, Wednesdays and Sundays. I had to serve somewhere in the church on a regular basis, and all kinds of other good stuff. All to worship my God on the platform. We didn't call it a stage because, we were not performers. Being on the worship team meant being an upfront leader, and carried alot of responsibility. I just wanted to sing, and worship my Lord. No other kind of music has ever touched me the way worship music does.
So I did all of this for a couple of years. We moved an hour away round trip from the church and I would drive it 2 times on Sunday, and then again on Wednesday's, and whenever there was something else I was required to attend. I was involved in the kid's ministry even though I had no clue what I was doing. I joined the prayer team during the 1st service. I attended the 2ND service and we would pray over the 1st service as it was going on. I enjoyed the prayer time.
It is no wonder why after a couple of years of this kind of commitment things went way South. I was tired, and my family suffered. My husband didn't attend church. he was angry that the church required so much of my time. I tried to explain it to him. I tried to make him understand. He couldn't understand why I had to do all of this to be on some worship team. I ought to be able to go to church and sing if that's what I wanted to do, without all of the legal requirements, and attendance charts. I finally had to step down. It broke my heart to give that up. I was mad that I couldn't do what I wanted more than almost anything. It wasn't possible to want something so much and not be able to have it. It wasn't fair that God wouldn't make a way.
I quit going to church after that. There were alot of other things going on, probably the hardest time in my life. A time when I needed to cling close to God, and could not. How was it possible to do all of this hard work and not be able to worship??
We started going to a new church here in Hollister. They have a fantastic worship team. I wanted to be on it from day one, and would not allow myself. I think God had a hand in it. I was to be patient and wait upon Him, and His timing. Every week I would tell my Hubby how much I wanted to be on the worship team, and he would tell me to do it. I could not. The timing was not right. I had to get my whole life right with God before I would even allow myself to think about it. I had to be Holy, because He is Holy. It is what I was taught.
Well, that's going to take me a lifetime, and then some. I am never going to be Holy enough. Even my best is dirty rags. I finally came to a realization that it was time. Not because I deserved it, but because God deserves my worship. My best, my all. I did have to get some areas of my life right with Him before I would allow myself, and I did it. I tend to be a person anymore who holds the leaders in our church to a higher standard. Do I understand if they mess up? Do I forgive if they need it? Do I pray for them, and help hold them accountable, while still loving them? Well, didn't Jesus do that for me? Yes.
On Saturday I started to question whether I still deserved my spot on this team. Not for any particular reason, just a self check. Have I done enough lately to earn it? Have I attended enough church events? I went to practice on Sunday morning with a heavy heart, knowing I didn't deserve it. Then I learned we were singing this song. I knew it was satan trying to convince me of his lies, and I put him in his place. For the first time in a long time I knew I was where I belonged, worshipping the Lord, and pouring my heart out to him. Trying hard to empty myself of me and filling up on Him. What a joy, a light heartedness, a freedom I felt all day. Even though my best will never be good enough, I will try to always bring "More than a Song."