For the last couple of months I have been doing something different at church. Not something that people notice, or anything extreme, but different from what I would normally do.
I tend to be a pretty shy person. I have a hard time walking up to people and starting up a conversation unless I know them extremely well or have something to say. I get nervous and tongue tied, and usually never get around to saying much of anything that makes alot of sense. I even get that way with people I know well and talk to on a regular basis. I do not know why that is, its just how I am.
There are so many new faces at our new church. We have doubled in size from our old building, if not more, and I think I see more new faces than ones that I recognize. I try really hard while singing on the platform with the praise and worship team to look over the crowd and concentrate on actually seeing the faces. Most people are creatures of habit like myself, and they try hard to sit in the same spot or close to it every week.
Back to my opening statement. I am doing something different. I have been praying that God would give me a ministry. Yes, I put in 1 week a month with the children's department, and I am on praise team, and those are both really great ministries, and dear to my heart, but they are not sacrifices for me. Well, maybe working with the kids, but definitely not the music ministry. I find great joy in being part of the worship team, and it is definitely my favorite. There is just nothing like worshipping my God and King. What I'm talking about is a ministry that goes deeper for me. Something that requires me to make sacrifices, to come out of my comfort zone, something that helps to further Gods kingdom.
I am not getting alot of answers right now.
Years ago, the Lord gave me a vision. I went to my very first women's retreat, Women of Faith, and knew that what I saw and heard that day was just the beginning for me. It changed my life, like nothing else ever had. These women were real, they were just like me, and they had stories like mine. They were sharing those stories, the good and the bad, the better and worse, the deep dark and ugly, and people were getting saved!! God has put upon my heart that someday I would do that. But when???
It has been alot of years since that retreat. I still see that same vision, though some of the aspects have changed. I continue to pray about how God wants me to use what he has put in my heart, the passion He has given me towards this ministry, and also who. Is it women? Is it older women? Younger? Married? Where am I supposed to be?
Right now, I am supposed to be EXACTLY where I'm at. All He is asking from me right now is obedience, an open heart to His leading, and a teachable humble spirit. Sounds easy, right? Wrong!!! It is hard. I want to go ahead of Him. I want to do what He has for me NOW!! Even though I really don't have a clue, I am not very patient!!
A couple of months ago I asked Him what He wanted me to do. New church building, new people, unfamiliar faces. I said "Here am I Lord, send me." I am very confused about where He sent me. Of all places, He sent me to the front foyer of the church. Not to be a greeter, not to serve coffee and donuts, just to be there, in that room, with all of these unfamiliar, new faces. And do what?? Well, He hasn't said yet!!! I am just supposed to be there!! Talk about being out of my comfort zone!! As I said earlier, I am a shy person!! I do alot of observing from my post, smiling at people, and really doing nothing. But that is where I'm supposed to be!!
Awhile back I asked Him "When God? When is this vision going to be more than a vision?" I was told that my main task and ministry right now is my family. My husband and my children. The children will grow up and move away, leaving just me and my husband, and until then, I am in training. When the time is right, Jeff AND I will fulfill that vision. That has been his plan all along. He is not only training me, He is training my husband. It is not His plan for me to do it alone. When He put Jeff and I together all those years ago, it was for a time such as this. I do not know what or how, or even who, but I trust God, and that's what He is asking from me. Obedience. He is refining both of us.
Now that doesn't mean that I am to do nothing!! I still have a job to do!! It is my job to witness to those around me by the way I live, the way I raise my kids, the way I treat my husband, and by being a good steward with everything He provides for us.
That in itself is a full time ministry!!!